I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
