I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
