I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the condom got lost in my hair
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
