there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
