I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
