it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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