There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
