I'm really into asian looking animals
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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