i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
