Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
