That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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