mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
