Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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