It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
