i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
this boner is exhausting
Operation Purity has been aborted
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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