it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
