Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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