Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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