it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Hippo gnu deer
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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