its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
