ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
