would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
