hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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