Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
ok first of all what the fuck
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
