$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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