He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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