I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
