Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
