But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize