By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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