I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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