I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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