He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
