it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
