I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
