The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
