see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
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