Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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