Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
