he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
