could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
