I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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