5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
