We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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