Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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