Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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