i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize