she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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