His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
