I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
