Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
