i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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