I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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