No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
