Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
