I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
