no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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