U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
