dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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