Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
