im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
