I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
