Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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