don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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