I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
