I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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