i think i have herpe
just one?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
