based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
