.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
