you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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