Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
