On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Still dying that you shit outside
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
